I believe that most of you have been hurt by people around you before and the feeling is miserable. Yes, i am being hurt again today unintentionally. I couple with him for 2 years already and we've been going through ups and downs together. Quarrel and back together. He is a very nice friend, follow the rules, polite and so on. He took care of me when i was ill and in pain and cooks for me on and off whenever i says that i am hungry. However, there's something different between the two of us. Two things which troubles me.
1. He thinks that its not suitable for us to start working right now, at this age.
2. He thinks he spent too much time with me that he doesn't have time for his ownself.
I started working part time during weekends while schooling around april 08. I will stop working during study and exam weeks. Since now we are having our 3 months semester break, i invited him to work as well and introduced agent and jobs to him. He refused at first as he has planned to go take up some cooking or baking lesson, learn his guitar, read some books and rest for the holiday but after "pujuk" him for few times and thinking of getting some pocket money, he agreed to work.
After earning some money, we went to sabah, my grandma place. Brought him around kk such as snorkeling and hot spring. There a few hundred gone.
Well, i've gone too far. Come back to what he has said to me today.
Today after watching Twilight in the cinema, he said to me :"The next holiday please don't disturb me yea."
My happy and sunny mood immediately turned cloudy grey. I was so hurt by his words. It pierce into my heart like a fast moving arrow at a rocket speed that can break it into pieces.
Actually, he wanted to stop this relationship few months ago because he says that i am a pressure to him, says that i have lotsa complains bout him. I begged for forgiveness and so i tried to change whatever he commented on me. Of course, old habbits do come back sometimes. However, things went on well until recently. I just felt like theres no more hope in our relationship anymore.
then, i came across a friend's blog, http://blurchu.blogspot.com/, his name is Bernard, one of my church friend, read one of his meaningful passage. Because it touches and calmed my heart(indirectly helped me), so i copy it over here so that i can share to more people as this passage is handful for any relationship problems. As for now, i just don't wanna think or make myself headache by thinking of all the problems, giving each other some time to do own stuff, follow whatever he wants such as if he wants more time for himself, i gives him more time without disturbing him. That's the best for now. Break up is not a good solution. To love the right person is just not easy. So treasure the moment when you have one.
The passage goes:
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question.
She said, "How do I know if I married the right person?"
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said,
"It depends. Is that your husband?"
In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?"
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's
weighing on your mind.
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse / partner. You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their
idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called
"falling" in love... Because it's happening TO YOU .
People in love sometimes say, "I was swept of my feet." Think about the imagery of that blank expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU.
Falling in love is easy . It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies , instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, "Did I marry the right person?"
And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.. This is when marriages breakdown. People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious.
But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'll feel better.
But you'd be in the same situation a few years later.
Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON;
IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience.
It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't "find" LASTING
love.
You have to "make" it day in and day out.
That's why we have the blank expression "the labor of love."
Because it takes time, effort, and energy.
And most importantly, it takes WISDOM.
You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery.
There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to
succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity),
there are also laws for relationships.
Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically
stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage
stronger.
It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the
results are predictable... you can "make" love.
Love in marriage is indeed a "decision"... Not just a feeling.
Remember this always:
"God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide
who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let
go."
